why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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