Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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