Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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