I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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