the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
