I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
