it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Randomize
