I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I could make wine with my vomit
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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