and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
