Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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