she woke up with a sticky ear
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
