you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
These tits shall not be calmed
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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