I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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