i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
