forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
