I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
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