Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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