She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
