I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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