Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
