Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize