Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
