I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
