Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
