I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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