dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
