farters have to be the big spoon...
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Floor bacon is actually really good
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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