I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
