Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Send help, water and tortillas.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
