"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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