I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
