Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize