She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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