dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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