Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
