Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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