When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
