I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
