I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
