first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Randomize
