Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
