after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
