help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
