It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
