I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
