I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Come share oat with me in your robe
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
