i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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