We won't sleep together?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
