So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
