I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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