Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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