Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
