Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
