my sisters under your porch take her home
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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