Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Randomize
