I wish you could order shots online.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
