i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
