Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
