I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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