hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Randomize
