Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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