well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You can't just leave with hair like that
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
