you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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