Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
