She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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