Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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