im about as happy as oj after his trial
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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