He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
